Where to begin....I feel like I am in such a negative place right now. I am trying to stay positive and to stay focused on the here and now but it is quite difficult right now. I am overwhelmed by so much and the sad part is none of it can be changed. It is what is but that doesn't make it any easier. I am trying not to be mad at God and trying to understand why things are the way they are. I am trying to ignore the information out there and trust that things are going to be okay. But it is very HARD!! I feel like I am trying but falling apart on the inside.
When Lauren was diagnosed I knew Sean and I could handle it. We grew stronger together for her and because of her. Our focus was on making her(and the other girls) happy and healthy. We never had to say it to each other but we knew both of us would do whatever it took to keep her with us. Then the stuff with Kadian started happening and now Sean. I keep telling God I cannot do this alone. I feel bad praying that what is wrong with him is just MS. MS is horrible in itself but relapsing Devic disease scares the crap out of me. The worst part is I know it is scaring him too. What makes it even more complicated is he doesn't fit in the textbook of symptoms for either of the diseases. It's heartbreaking to watch him struggle just to find words b/c he cannot concentrate. It's heartbreaking knowing he is in so much pain, is overly tired, has numbness on a large part of his body, and now is on edge all the time. I feel powerless to all that is going on. I HATE this!!!!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Trying to hold it together....
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3 comments:
You guys are amazing. I know that I will never understand all that you are going through, but its hard for me to sit here and see you guys go through it and knowing that I can not do anything to help. It hurts me to see you guys hurting. I sit here and think about you guys all the time wishing it would all just go away, but we know that is not reality. You guys are always at the top of my prayer lists. You know that I am always here for you and you know that you can depend on me. I love you guys and dont know where I would be or what I would do without you. I know I tell you this all the time but it is so true, that you are one of the strongest people that I know. I look at you and wish I could be like that.
I love you my special gumdrop.
Candise,
As an outsider looking in I just have to tell you how much of an inspiration you are. I can't imagine going through what you and Sean are but you have such a grace about you. Staying strong is hard and I won't say any of the famous cliche' statements but vent all you need to and scream when no one is around and please please continue to tell your story. So many people around here are aware of your situation and pray for you all everyday. There is an army of angels around you and GOD will see you through. Much love and prayers for you, Sean, and the girls!!
Candise, I don't know if there even are words that could bring you comfort & peace right now. Just know that you are NOT alone through all of this. You have your faith in God and you have some awesome friends & family to lean on. {{{HUGS}}}
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