Friday, August 26, 2011

Trying not put all my eggs in one basket

Hope is some extraordinary spiritual grace that God gives us to control our fears, not to oust them. ~Vincent McNabb

Recently I was reminded of how much hope impacts my life. Yesterday, as I read an email from a doctor I realized how hopeless I really was. As I walked out of one of Kadian's appointments two weeks ago I think I resigned myself that things would always be the way they were. I would have to just ACCEPT that she was always going to have the problems she does. That it would never get better and there was nothing I nor any doctor could do to help her. That she would always remain a medical mystery. That hopefully, one day she would just out grow all this. Logically I know she most likely won't "outgrow" it because as time goes by she is getting worse. I lost hope... I resigned myself that she would never live without the embarrassment of wetting her pants. Imagine being in 3rd grade...remember the need to fit in...the need to be just like everyone else...the need for your friends to accept you. My heart hurts for her because I know how much it will hurt her if someone does make fun of her. I am hopefully though...I am hoping and praying this doctor will look closely at all that is going on with her. That he will be able to help....I know what is going on with her is complicated and may include more than just one diagnosis...but maybe just maybe we have some hope again....

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